Thursday, April 1, 2010

Fix the inside and the outside will follow!

How many of you can say you have lost 120 lbs? How many of you can say you gained all of it back plus 60 lbs? I CAN. I want to share my story with you on how this happened, I hope this helps everyone not make the same mistakes as me! I will basically briefly discuss some key points that lead me down my path and then I will talk about the weight loss and gain.

**Please note I am no Doctor or therapist, my conclusions are based on my own logic**

My weight gain started after my parents divorced, I was in the 2nd grade. I was just a kid who didn't know how to deal with what was going on around him. I can honestly say my parents divorce left a scar on me for life. This is where my battle where food began, food was my new best friend. By the time I was 19 I weighed a good 370 pounds.

March 5, 2000 was the worse day of my life. Me and my dad were at a home improvement store shopping for some landscaping items for our yard. We checked out and loaded the items in my jeep. I got in the drivers seat and my dad got in the passenger seat. I was looking to my left as i started my jeep and when I looked back to the right my dad was grabbing his chest as he slumped over in his seat. I ran around to the passenger side and picked him up and out of the seat and carried him to the front of the store and started screaming for someone to help me. My dad died in my arms in that parking lot, he was my best friend, he was all I had. Withing a year or two I ate my way up too 420 lbs.

I finally decided I wanted to lose weight so I joined a gym. I had no idea what I was doing, one day while walking around the gym trying to figure things out one of the trainers who worked there asked me if i needed any help. I told him I wanted to lose weight, so he said well come into my office and lets talk. We talked about my goals and how he could help me. He told me he was opening his own training center and that he would help me lose the weight If I wanted. Long story short 7 months later I weight 300 pounds! My trainer made my meals plans for me, and he worked my butt beyond exhaustion. Whatever he said , I did! He was a former bodybuilder so he definitely knew a thing or two about losing weight and building muscle.

This is what I looked like when I weighed in at 300 lbs:

(its a bad quality pic, but its the only scanned one that I have)

So after losing the 120 lbs I felt great! I was more confident, happy, social, just all around enjoying life alot more. But what I didn't realize was that to fix the outside I needed to fix the inside first. At this point I was in college studying engineering, which is a very stressful major! Slowly but surely I began to eat again. No matter what is was that was stressing me, whether it was school, family, financial issues, food was always there for me. 7 years later I weighed 480 pounds. I ate my pain away again. I couldn't believe I had done this to myself again. I was disgusted with myself, I hated myself, and honestly I wanted to just give up.

But I wont give up. For the first time in my life I recognize and admit that I eat when I am stressed or upset and I have found ways to control it. I channel my energy into other avenues. Now does that mean I never mess up? Of course not. It just means that I don't let one mess up turn into weeks and weeks of mess ups. Also I don't believe in the word DIET. That word equates into a temporary fix. I have changed my whole lifestyle.

What I want everyone to take away from this post is that you have to be honest with yourself. Admitting that you eat to heal your wounds takes alot! Especially admitting it to my friends and family,I felt so embarrassed. If your on a weight loss journey please don't forget to take care of the emotional side of the journey. I want all of you to be successful, don't make the same mistakes I did. Lets lose the weight and never let it back into our lives!


Mandy said...

Oh wow...I cannot imagine going through what you did with your dad...just heartbreaking.

Fascinating to hear your story, too. Sounds like you have the right attitude and I'm looking forward to all your future success! You can do this!

Sharon said...

Thanks for sharing your story. You are a hottie at any weight. I admire you for sticking to your goals. I am here to help support and motivate you, like you already do for me! Hugs!!

Tehya said...

I came across your blog through my dear friend. I am so glad that I took the time to read it. Your story is very inspiring and eye opening. I am an emotional eater as well and find it very difficult to admit it. My heart goes out to you about your dad I can only imagine how hard that was. I look forward to following your blog. Stay Strong!

Tasha said...

I love this post for the honesty you put into it. It clearly shows where this journey began. I will continue to follow you as you continue your success. You have and will accomplish a lot, and I am happy to be able to see you do it. I will thank you now for everything you will share with us.

Tishia - My Weight Loss Story said...

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I can't even begin to imagine how that situation affected your life!

I love when you said "But what I didn't realize was that to fix the outside I needed to fix the inside first." That's a key point to losing weight and getting healthy! My story is similar in that I have lost weight in the past (no where near as much as you did!) only to gain it back and then some! It wasn't until this time around when I started my healthy eating/exercising lifestyle in January that I realized I had some deep emotional issues to deal with and overcome in order for this to work. Every time in the past it was always about fixing the outside and never worrying about the inside.

Another key that you touched on was the fact that this isn't a DIET which would only be a temporary fix. It's a lifestyle change just like you said.

I loved your brutal honesty in this post! That's one of the things that keep me coming back to a blog - someone that has the balls to be transparent and share things from the heart!

Anonymous said...

Thank you For this!! I have had many issues and I myself am an emotional eater! I too have tried to channel in on my emotions and fix what the real problem is rather than eat them away. I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I cant even imagine the fear, pain u went through. My father is also the man I completely look upto, so I cudnt imagine having him die in my arms, Im so sorry. I am glad you have found a way to do what you need to do and be back on track with your healthy lifestyle congrats to you. thank you for such an inspirational post, love your honesty!