Monday, May 31, 2010

Big day tomm!

So two things are happening tommorrow. I have an appointment with my registered dietician, and I am weighing in! I have been trying to break through the 400lb wall and into the 300's for the last two weeks. I hope that tommorow I will see a number on the scale that starts with a 3!

Won this awesome book on Twitter!

So I won this awesome book called, "6 weeks to a Healthier You". One of the writers Cherly Forberg who is the Registered dietician for the show Biggest Loser even signed it! Cant wait to read it! It looks like it has alot of useful tips and recipes.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure series®!


I have decided to do the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K walk on June 12th!

Please help me reach my fundraising goals if you can!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I wrote this guest blog post for Its called Looking in the Mirror

So there I was last night sitting on the couch watching biggest loser. On this weeks episode the final four contestants were returning from a 30 day home visit. They showed footage of how each of the contestants handled being at home but one story hit home with me. Daris from Oklahoma was struggling with finding ways to deal with his stress. He found himself raiding the kitchen in the middle of the night eating away his emotions. Watching that I instantly felt like I was looking in a mirror. I have spent many nights wandering through the kitchen and digging through the pantry in search of food to ease my emotions. It’s something that I deal with everyday, and yes most days I am in control but every now and then it will get the best of me. I haven’t always been in control of it though, it took me eating my way into a 480 lb body for me to realize it was time to take control of my life and health and redesign my lifestyle.

I really want people to know that emotional eating is REAL. I know it’s hard to understand unless you have been through it, but it does exist. I have a very supportive family, but they haven’t always been like that. A lot of my family members would shun the idea that the reason I was overweight was because I ate my emotions. They just figured I was lazy and didn’t know when to stop. It was really frustrating at times when I would try to justify why I ate, just that phrase “justify why I ate” really bothers me. I finally stopped justifying and started modifying my habits.

So I have made great progress, I have lost almost 80lbs since September 2009. I still have a lot of weight to lose but I am up for the challenge. But with this small victory sometimes my family forgets that I still battle with my urges to eat every day, they seem to think that since I lost some weight that the urges magically disappeared. About a month ago I had a serious conversation with my mother. More than anyone I wanted her to understand what goes on in my head. So we sat down and she asked me what’s going on? I told her I wanted to talk to her about my emotional eating and before the words even left my tongue tears were streaming down my face. I mean that’s how painful and sensitive this subject is for me. I asked her to not speak and just listen to me until I was done.

I told her,

“I want you to understand that my emotional eating is an extremely serious problem. I know that I have lost some weight but the urges are still there. This is a problem I will deal with for the rest of my life, I am not going to lose 250 pounds and magically have my urges just disappear. It’s something I will have to control for the rest of my life and I have accepted that, and sometimes I don’t feel like you guys take it seriously. I sometimes feel like you guys think I am selfish. If I don’t put myself first who will? Nobody will. When I decline offers to eat out with the family or skip family time to hit the gym for a workout you guys sometimes give me a hard time about it. I have to be somewhat selfish in this battle; nobody is going to do the work except for me. I want you to know that I can win this fight but I will not let anyone or anything get in my way and I don’t want anyone to take it personally.”

My mother completely agreed with me, and I want everyone to know that my mother is my biggest supporter. The things I said weren’t necessarily directed at her, I just wanted to make sure she knew how I felt and what was going on in my head. My mother did ask me one question, “if you knew why you were eating then why did it take you so long to take control of it?” I told her it’s one of the easiest things in this world to be honest with someone else, but it’s one of the hardest things in this world to be honest with yourself, and it took me a very long time to realize that. I sincerely believe that the first step of taking control of this problem is being honest with yourself. You are going to have good and bad days, but the most important thing is not letting a bad day turn into a bad week, month, or years. I often say, “failure is not the act of giving up, it the act of not bouncing back”.

My heart goes out to anybody who is dealing with this problem. If you need someone to talk to, need advice, or even have questions, please feel free to contact me. I also invite you all to check out my blog and follow me on twitter.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Weigh In Update!

So I weighed in this morning and the scale showed 402!

That means I lost 4 pounds last week. I am 2 pounds away from reaching my first major weight loss milestone, which is breaking into the 300's! I am super excited and I hope next week I will be celebrating this milestone!

I am really in a good place right now emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have never been this dedicated and confident in any of my other weight loss attempts. I am very proud of myself, which might sound weird to some but I'll explain why.

The hardest part about this whole process is the learning how to push myself beyond what I think I can do and beyond all my comfort zones. As I have said before, I have lose alot weight in the past with the help of a trainer. He pushed me like no one ever has, he put me through pain I never felt, and he never let me give up. This time around I am doing this on my own, not to say I wont seek a trainer in the future. But right now when I am in the gym I have to push myself to do those extra reps even though I cant feel my arms, I have keep myself motivated, I have to push and push until I cant push no more, and even then I still need to make myself push even more! That is why I am so proud of myself, because I am doing what I need to do and pushing myself to places I never thought I would go. I find that the healthier choices are getting easier to make and that feels great. This is the lifestyle I want, I am fighting for it and love that it is becoming the normal for me.

Heard this quote today and thought I would share:

"Like a camera I use negatives to develop"

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Couch to 5K Update!

So I started out strong on the program, finished week 2 then I stopped. My knee was bothering me and I didn't want do any further damage to it. I mean I am still around 400 pounds so I could imagine the force of me running would take a toll on my already bad knees. Thankfully my sweet friend Becca gave me a new leg workout routine, and I can already tell my knees are getting stronger.

So the plan is to continue strengthening my knees and when I reach 375 pounds I will start the program again. I will be a runner one day, I wont give up on that aspiration. Thanks for all the support!

Shontelle - Impossible

Love this song!!

You are your own worse enemy..

So Yesterday I woke up around 9 am. Pretty normal morning, had my breakfast, checked my email, etc etc. Now since I am not working at the moment I make sure I always go work out first thing in the morning. I love getting it out of the way early in the day. But yesterday after checking my email and finding some good job prospects posted on career builder, I figured I would jump on those and get my resume sent out and then head to the gym in the afternoon. So I spent about 3-4 hours writing cover letters and submitting my resume to these companies. Early afternoon comes around which means GYM time. All of the sudden I start feeling lazy, and I think to myself you know I could take today off from the gym. Its just a cardio day, no biggie. Also I started telling myself my sinuses are bothering me, its best I just stay home.

So I made my way to the couch and sat down. I sat there for about a minute and then a grin appeared on my face, and I thought MIND you almost got me!!!! I immediately changed into my gym clothes and headed to the gym before I changed my mind. After I finished my workout I was extremely happy that I fought myself into going to the gym. You know we are our own worse enemies. Only one person can decide to take the steps to change your life, only one person can make those healthier choices for you. Its all on YOU.