Binge eating is hard to explain, honestly its hard for me to even admit to myself that I do it. Its mentally exhausting trying to fight them off, it hardest thing I have ever been through. Food can be an extremely powerful drug. While I am binging I find myself asking "why am I doing this" but that doesn't stop me from finishing the food. I really don't know why I do it. I haven't really been stressed out or anything, things have actually been good. I personally think that I have been doing it so long that my body thinks its normal.
I knew I needed to talk about it with someone so I decided to confess to my RD last week. When I got to my appointment I weighed in and she was kind of puzzled by the number. It was a significant gain. I was honest with her and told her what was going on, I could feel my eyes watering up and I really had to fight back the tears. She was really so understanding and really helped me realize that I wasn't alone in this. We discussed the binges and she gave me some ideas on how I can work through the urges. I was really proud of myself for telling her everything, this isn't exactly the easiest thing to talk about and most people wont understand it anyways.
So after taking many steps forward I have taken a few back. When I weighed in last week at my RD's office the scale said 409 lbs, that's a gain of 22 lbs in the last 3 months. I remember after I broke into the 300's I said never again! Well it happen again and that's ok. I haven't given up and I am not sad, upset or depressed about all of this. The tone for this post is positive. I just wanted to share, I feel like telling the whole world will help me get through this. Its just one of the curves in this long windy and somewhat bumpy road!