So on Saturday I turned the big 30! Hard to believe right? (just agree with me!) Now I have never been big on birthdays but this one really meant something to me. This birthday was the first one in a long time in which I felt like I was on the right path in my life. I actually feel like I am in control of the direction I go from here. I can stay on the right path or veer off and make a u-turn towards the dead end road that I don't want to drive down. I am more aware of my inner workings than I have ever been. I can admit to myself when I fail and I can applaud myself when I succeed. When I do I fail I choose not to beat myself up because ultimately that only keeps me down longer. I think being aware of your short comings and being able to rationally "discuss" them with yourself is a big deal, at least for me it is. I spent so many years of my life lying to myself, disguising my actions, and burying my feelings deep inside where even I couldn't reach them.
I am done with that way of living. I didn't reach all the goals that I had set for myself for when I turned 30. First of all I always thought I'd be married with kids by now, which is kind of hard to do when you don't let people in. I know the my weight has a lot to do with that and I know I will work past it, when the right time comes it will happen.
Career wise I thought I would be a little farther than where I am now but that was totally out of my control. Spending 14 months out of work will put a lot of things into perspective about everything in your life and my career goals have changed because of that and I am confident I will reach the goals I have set for myself. I am happy with my new job and I really enjoy the people I work with.
Health wise I reached some of my goals and I have laid a strong foundation to reach the rest of them. When I decided I wanted to lose weight in May 2009 I had set the goal that I wanted to be 320 pounds by my 30th birthday. I didn't reach that goal and thats ok. I know I will reach it and actually I will reach way beyond it! One thing I did do was rid myself of sleep apnea. Well a doctor hasn't told me this but I know its gone, my body knows it. I feel great health wise. I surely don't feel 30 years old and in my opinion I don't look it.
I am declaring this my breakout year!! I expect many great things from myself and I cant wait to see what unfolds. I have so much support in my life that I have no option but to succeed. The funny thing is I have never met most of the people who have made such a huge difference in my life and who have supported me beyond imagination. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and I hope our paths cross one day. Because of you I promise I will do my best to always pay it forward.