Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dreams can come true..

I had a dream the other night that has been on my mind all week. All I remember is that I was sitting in a window seat on a airplane and I instantly got that sick to my stomach feeling as I saw that people were starting to board the airplane, I was worried about somebody sitting next to me. Next I looked down to see how much space I was occupying in the seat next to me and to my surprise I could see the space in between the two seats, I was shocked. Then somebody came and sat next to me and I just sat there for a minute waiting for them to complain about sitting next to the fat guy. Oddly they didn't complain at all, they looked over at me and flashed a smile. Inside my head I didn't believe this was happening, was it possible that I lost the weight and I could fly without worries?! Then it hit me.... the seat belt..... I hadn't tried to buckle it yet! I quickly grabbed the belt and slowly brought the two ends together across my lap..... CLICK! I looked down in shock, I just fastened my seat belt without a belt extender!

Then I woke up...

 You see at my size flying is an extremely nerve racking experience. Most people who fly generally only need to worry about packing their back and getting to the airport on time. I however have to worry about those things in addition to the things my self consciousness has me worrying about:

  • Where exactly is my seat on the plane?
  • Will the plane be full ?
  • Will it be possible to have a empty seat next to me? 
  • What type of connector is on the seat beat? (They are generally two types and I own one of each, its so embarrassing to ask the flight attendant for en extender so I bring my own)
  • Will I be able to board the plane in the earlier groups?
  • What if the plane is filled to capacity?
  • Will someone complain about sitting next to me?

Then to add to it there is the anxiety I feel as soon as I walk into the airport. I feel like everyone is looking at me and praying that they don't have to sit next to me. Sitting at the gate waiting for a flight is one of the worse feelings I have ever felt in my life. 

I haven't been on a airplane in over two years. The fact that I refuse to fly affects a range of aspects in my life. I cant visit family unless they are within driving distance. It's affects my job and the possibility of getting a promotion that would require more travel. It also definitely kills my chances at future job opportunities in other parts of the country or world, how do you tell a potential employer who wants to meet you that you don't fly?! 

I have no doubt that the dream I had the other night will come true one day. I am very much looking forward to it, there is a whole world out there and I want to see it!