Then I woke up...
You see at my size flying is an extremely nerve racking experience. Most people who fly generally only need to worry about packing their back and getting to the airport on time. I however have to worry about those things in addition to the things my self consciousness has me worrying about:
- Where exactly is my seat on the plane?
- Will the plane be full ?
- Will it be possible to have a empty seat next to me?
- What type of connector is on the seat beat? (They are generally two types and I own one of each, its so embarrassing to ask the flight attendant for en extender so I bring my own)
- Will I be able to board the plane in the earlier groups?
- What if the plane is filled to capacity?
- Will someone complain about sitting next to me?
Then to add to it there is the anxiety I feel as soon as I walk into the airport. I feel like everyone is looking at me and praying that they don't have to sit next to me. Sitting at the gate waiting for a flight is one of the worse feelings I have ever felt in my life.
I haven't been on a airplane in over two years. The fact that I refuse to fly affects a range of aspects in my life. I cant visit family unless they are within driving distance. It's affects my job and the possibility of getting a promotion that would require more travel. It also definitely kills my chances at future job opportunities in other parts of the country or world, how do you tell a potential employer who wants to meet you that you don't fly?!
I have no doubt that the dream I had the other night will come true one day. I am very much looking forward to it, there is a whole world out there and I want to see it!