Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Why I keep going...

Why I keep going? What keeps you motivated? How do you bounce back after a bad week? I get these questions A LOT. Truth be told a lot keeps me going.

 I would be lying if I didn't say that part of what keeps me going is the vanity items that come with weight loss. It's true I want a nice body. I want nice large biceps, I want to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I want to be able to buy clothes from any store of my choice. All these things are great and I think many of us trying to lose weight want them. However these items are only a small portion of what keep me going. Don't get me wrong, I WANT all the vanity items that I talk about above but they aren't what keeps my fire inside raging. They aren't what pushes me to get to the gym even when I am dead tired, they aren't what get me to prep my meals every week, they aren't what gets me through the workouts when all I want to do is give up!

First and foremost I want my health, I want control of it. I want to tell my body what it can and can't do and not the other way around. I want to keep my blood pressure in the normal range which thankfully it has been for awhile now. I don't want to be scared to go see a doctor because of what they will say about my weight. I NEVER want to have sleep apnea again, thankfully I got rid of it after the first 60 lbs I lost. I never want to hear a doctor say to me again  "You are pre diabetic". We often take our health for granted until we no longer have it, I dont want to take mine for granted.

Also another HUGE part of what keeps me going is that fact that I want a wife and a family. I want to meet a woman and fall in love and I want to spend the rest of my life exploring everything her. I want to build a family with her, I want all that very badly. I am really tired of being alone and not sharing my life with everyone but that is how I need to be for right now. I know many people have told me I can lose weight and have a relationship and family at the same time and many people I know have done it. But honestly everyone's journey is different and we all will reach our goals in different ways and this is the way I have chosen to reach mine. Some of the reasons why I have decided to do it this way is because when I have a wife and kids I want to give myself to them whenever they need me. I don't want to have to tell my wife I will be home late every night because I need to go to the gym. I don't want to leave her so that I can go deal my MY weight issues. Yes I would love for us to both workout together and go to the gym together but  I want it to be a choice we make together and not because I MUST do it to save my life. I don't want to miss doing homework my with kids, I don't want to miss tucking them in and reading to them. I don't want them to always wonder why I am always working out and not home with them. I don't want to tell them I am too tired to play outside. I want my future family to know that they come first to me and that everything else comes second. Of course I plan to continue living a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life but like I said before I want it to be a choice of staying healthy at that point and not a must to save my life. I am not saying I have 100% locked my heart away until I reach some magic number on the scale, all I am saying is that I am very focused right now and it is possible that I would let someone into my life but I would have to feel that it was THE ONE I wanted to be with forever.

On top of all of this another HUGE thing that keeps me going is my Mama, Sisters, Brothers, Nieces and Nephews. I want to be there for all of them. I want to take care of my Mama as she gets older, I don't want her to ever worry about getting older because I will always be there for her as long as I am breathing. I want all my siblings to know that their big brother is someone they can always lean on and come to when they need anything no matter how big or small. I want my nieces and nephews to know that I love them as if they were my own. That I love them with all my heart and even when I have my own children one day they will always remain in my heart and that I would move worlds for them if they needed it.

That is what keeps me going!


Anonymous said...

This made me misty! You are right. You gotta dig real dip and know why you do what you do. Awesome Alan. Now, I need a Kleenex.

Karen AKA Honee_Badger

Anonymous said...

hmm, very interesting. First, thank you for being authentic - the raw emotions are definitely felt in this post.

You are the first person that has ever shared the same viewpoint that I have on the finding love aspect of this journey. You pretty much nailed it on the head as to how I feel about love/family, etc. I am a little older than you and a female, so the urgency for starting a family weighs on me a little more than it does you perhaps, but giving myself completely to someone and my family is spot on as to what you said. Thank you for not making me feel crazy on that topic, because soo many times I have been told that I can find love now.

You are a great guy (well, I don't really really know you - but from what I have seen online you are) and you will make a woman feel very special one day, I can only hope there are more like you out there!

I wish you nothing but continued success.

Erin W said...

Alan, everytime I visit your blog I am blown away. FAMILY MAN. COMMITTED. AUTHENTIC. HONEST. Your wife is out there somewhere, and when you find her, never let go. And when that happens, everything that you are will be true ten times over. Keep doing what you do, Alan. You're awesome!

Emily ANNE said...

This is a really really raw example of the things that make us tick inside. Especially those of us on a train to self improvement. Thanks for sharing, very inspiring!


Melanie said...

What a beautiful post! I'm so impressed by your drive, commitment and motivation. You will have a beautiful wife one day and she will be one lucky lady! ;-)

Tiffany said...

Alan, thank you for always being so honest. I usually don't talk about dating and falling in love because I get the same answer as you, "you don't have to wait" ... but I want too. Hopefully not that much longer :) but I want to get myself to a place where it's just second nature to live a healthy life, and my weight loss journey won't be in competition with a relationship. I'm confident we'll both get there. :)

Renee @pinkypie said...

I totally get it. I wish I had been this person now when I met my husband because to be honest it CAN be challenging to not have similar thoughts and goals physically and health-related. I'm not saying he doesn't support or understand because he does 100% (if not more) but it IS hard in my own head when I spend more time at the gym or training for a race or whatever than I do with him.

When you meet the amazing lady who will be your wife, your best friend, the mother of your children, she will also know Alan NOW (or Future Now if that makes sense) so it will already be a known that this is what you do to keep yourself healthy for your future together.

You are such an amazing person Alan, I'm with Erin on this one - your wife is out there somewhere and it's going to be amazing. Dare I say it, you can expect me on a plane to meet you at your wedding venue, whenever it happens :)