There are people in my life who I love more than anything in this world and when something bad happens to them it kills me inside. I literally shut down and it feels as if my whole world has been flipped upside down. When I find myself in this whirlwind of emotions I also tend to crave food, LOTS of food. Not because I am hungry or because I am having a typical craving. It's because I want that fear and pain I feel inside to go away and when I eat myself into a food coma I temporarily feel better. I am a binge eater, there is no other way to put it. Tonight I felt these feelings and fighting them is no easy battle. The voices in my head tell me to EAT EAT EAT and I am telling them NO NO NO. I am not hungry! Binge eating is something I have been battling for a long time. Thankfully for the last few years I have been in control for the most part but it's definitely been mentally exhausting. I have no solution for my issues with food, I can only take it day by day and fight as hard as I can. Tonight I fought a battle, instead of eating food I called a friend and just talked. I didn't talk about my urges to eat, we just talked that normal day to day type stuff and after awhile I felt better.
Today I won, I am thankful for that.